It’s official. I subscribe to Match.com

So I took that leap people. I have a paid  match.com account. It’s all too real now! Whoa! So I was suggested a match by the love site itself and I was intrigued by this young man. Okay, I’m not playing our first dance song in my head but I was intrigued (The way you make me feel- Micheal Jackson). Smart, good looking and hilarious.bravo I guess match isn’t a pool of who’s who of crap. So I see that in my email box I have 13 emails. Oh boy!Unfortunately I can’t open them because I am not a paid member. My curiosity got the best of my credit card. Initially I was shy to open them but after I got through the first one it was like ripping a band aid.  Here is what one said

Hey there, I enjoyed your profile.

Sorry in advance if this comes of random, not my style. =) But I will be in DC This Friday & Saturday and thought it would be a great idea to meet. Maybe meet for drinks, lassi, thumbs down, just no yager-bombs please! If we get along like Romeo and Juliet, then our possibilities are limitless. O Juliet O Juliet, wherefore art thou Juliet.

I am from NYC not sure how open you are with a long distance relationship. Am i saying too much to fast? =) hush boy!
Also if you could suggest what is the hip/happening Restaurant with a scene restaurant in DC? Also any happening lounges or rooftops for nightlife? I am actually in town for a wedding which is Sunday-Monday.

What are your thoughts to this? Am I being ridiculous? I hope this message finds you well.

This guys seemed pretty genuine, but here is the thing. I am a ball of fun but I am so new to this whole experience that I feel shy and also stupid to reply since he e-mailed me 2 weeks ago. Did I just let the love my life slip through my fingers?! O.k I’m being dramatic.

Now I feel good about myself at this point but not one I would seriously date because, oh didn’t you know? At the time I was born my Mom made a deal with me when she gave me life:
Must be Indian
Must be Christian
Must be Malayalee
Must be a professional

So since I have been indoctrinated with this philosophy I basically don’t get a love boner from seeing their proposals.( not to be confused from the Indian definition of proposal which means to walk down the altar)
Back to the boy who made me take this leap.
So to be even more daring, I wink the guy that sparked me into getting a paid account. I die. I literally had to stop for a second to say “o.k” ::click::

Being a brown girl is one with its trials from day one but that is why I’m here to embarrass my anonymous self into exposing those challenges.

Side bar: I think the worst thing about having an online profile is that you have maintain the your weight, skin tone and build. I find myself hungry at all times.

Till my next adventure in the world of matches.

Rejection.

So this weekend I faced the ultimate rejection; I’ll explain.

I was told by a family friend that they wanted me to meet a friend of theirs who was looking to settle down and was interested in a meeting a cool girl :: I enter::  At this point, I’m done with school, I’m working for a special interest firm and I’m 24. Why not I think to myself, and give my phone number and email. This was 3 weeks ago.

Fast forward to a week and a half later and no response.Current Emotion: anxiety. So I decide to go through my spam and find his (the boy who I’m supposed to chat up a storm with) email sitting there. Its been sitting there for 3 days at this point. Great, I think to myself. He probably thinks I’m a flake or maybe I came off as having a life. Current Emotion: Glee.  So me being a woman, I write him back right away. Nothing too eager, just a hey, great to hear from you, some clarification on my location, a little small talk and signed with hope to hear from you. Fast forward another 7 days and no response…. I’m getting pretty annoyed. Not because HE didn’t respond but because I hate it when in a technologically advanced world where people check their e-mails at least once a day, he could not find the time to shoot a simple ‘received’.  Current Emotion: Irritated.  So after 8 days, mind you this is not a typical match.com initial contact, we have mutual friends. I shoot him an e-mail asking him if he received mine since his ended up in my spam. I know that it probably didn’t BUT I just wanted to get that final word. If he doesn’t respond – thank you asshole for being a rude and not responding and being an adult. If I do get a positive response –  this will be a lesson for me to learn about impatience. Current Emotion: Confused.

So where exactly is the ultimate rejection? Well, he never even got to meet me and didn’t even give me the chance to turn him off. There in lies the ultimate. It’s totally different if a guy had the chance to meet or talk and the other person just did not gel with his/her vibe. My biggest gripe with this situation is this, if you don’t find a person to be of interest. Don’t reach out period. You’re not being a gentleman, you’re being a d-bag that’s back in the 5th grade that doesn’t know how to finish a conversation.

I am not afraid of rejection. Honest. Not everyone is going to get along but at least give people the decency to clarify and clear out the unknowns.

The ultimate rejection: Walking away from a conversation you started.

Current Emotion : So over it.

He hasn’t called me back? What’s wrong with me?

Sometimes before we move forward we have to take a look at our rear view mirror one last time to make peace with our past. One last glance before we  shift the gear to drive to know with comfort that we are ready for the future ahead.

Relationships are tricky. Starting them can be impossible. It makes you second guess every move, because at that point you have successfully put your defenses down. You have become vulnerable and the fear of being rejected is ever present. Every insecurity you have about yourself becomes magnified and you worry if the thin shell that is covering you is enough to shield you from the blow.

All of this is in your head of course.

Everyone wants that “best day of my life” moment. Not when you say yes to love but being open to the idea that it is a possibility. Sometimes it can be as simple as letting go. Letting all those inhibitions go.  Knowing that you are this ball of charisma that will still be okay if you make a wrong turn. It’s just a speed bump and not a ‘ Do not enter’ sign. The fact of the matter is when starting a fresh friendship people play games on both sides. How long should you wait to e-mail him or her? How long before I give out my number? Let me let him sweat it out for a little bit. Let me save my response in a draft and think about this for a second. We have all done it.. and it’s dumb to be honest. They say life is short, so why not take the chance and use all that energy towards being creative in the friendship/ relationship? Show your chops where it matters.

Those games might be to shield us from past wounds from reopening. It sucks. Nothing hurts more than having to relive a war story; which is why you need to say good bye to the old you. The one that was hurt so badly,  that feels the need to play games and “dick around” so to speak. Leave that version of you in the rear view mirror because ultimately that version will be the death of you if you choose to let it ride shotgun.

You will never know what’s going through the other persons mind but you can control how you feel about the circumstance. If he doesn’t,  remember you were fine before he came into the picture and will damn well be fine without. So lift that chin up because you just need to keep moving. There’s a cutie waiting at the next crosswalk.

The unknown

The unknown. 

Why does a word that is so short seems so scary? In life it seems everything is unknown. We tend be on the this search to ” find x”. In our career, we aspire and diligently strive to achieve our dreams but there will always be the feeling that we may never make it to our mental finishing line. Each day of working past the clock, getting projects in before their due date, getting to work 10 minutes before 9; all to finish that last lap and grab gold. 

Then, there is the more complicated unknown. The unknown of a relationship – insecurities from previous encounters and run ins will almost always triumph over better judgement. Everyone wants a shot at true love, or at least a true love like romance. The scary thing about the unknown is that your quest to find the known is racing against the sands of time. :: cue Days Of Our Lives intro:: If we had all the time in world we would not be bothered by our finite existence and the idea that we may never get our air brushed imagination. We rush, we jump before we look and occasionally we take that leap to realize that the unknown  doesn’t exist because we have yet to create it. 

So at the end of the day, all we can do is believe in ourselves. Follow our dreams and fear not what is not known but to embrace what is. 

 

 

A picture says only one word

They say a picture says a thousand words. When I used to look at mine I would see 5. Dark. Fat. Big nose and short. Luckily I got past that scene in my life where I always saw a flaw in my image.  Why can’t we look at an image of ourselves and simply be in awe that we are unique, and there isn’t a soul on this planet that has been put together like you ( except if you are a twin) The fool proof way to understand what a person is unhappy with is to simply click your mouse and find them on Facebook. Those photos truly can write a novel themselves. Girls who are of tan skin post lightened photos, those who are unhappy with their noses inhale deeply, those who are poor only post photos with burberry, armani or ralph lauren on and of course those who have no solid friends post photos of every single person they encounter. The photos that we post online are simply a parody of ourselves. A vision of ourselves so far removed of the true person.  The only person that believes the Mercedes tarp over the 1982 Buick is the person who does the draping. This is why I think social media has been so successful and why it hasn’t phased out like a lot of other fads. It has allowed those who are not ready to accept themselves with the cloak of security. For the first time there is a sense of control of how you can alter another’s perception of you.  Also, why I think Catfishes have been so successful. They have the ability to sell you the fantasy that you so desperately seek.

So, a picture really says one word. Insecurity.

If you are woman in your 20’s then keep reading… if not, go watch some ESPN.

If you are woman in your 20’s then keep reading… if not, go watch some ESPN.

Have you ever skimmed through your FB “friend” list and drawn the conclusion that everyone you know is getting married? And I mean EVERYONE. Even your local Deacon is having better luck at eternal bliss. Marriage isn’t for everyone, or so they say but sure looks like it’s everyone’s cup of tea lately. Strangely, I haven’t seen any of my male friends post ” I said YES!!!” Have I been sleeping this whole time and telling myself I’m wayyy to young to get married or have I just been feeding myself that goop and eating it like a prison gaurd at Rikers? Either way, I’m trying to navigate through life, have a good time with friends, try and experience exciting new things and hoping along the way possibly on a metro ride to work that I run into the love of my life. Sadly, life doesn’t work like that. Or does it?

Weddings are fantasies that are sold by Disney, Vera Wang and US Weekly. I know that I want to get married, have kids and be the best PTA member but I also want to go kayaking on Saturday mornings and go running without having to account for a “boo”.  

I hail from a beautiful Indian culture which expects me to be married yesterday and I feel the heat from the kitchen. I’m 24…. so in Indian years that would be.. 1,2,4,5…. 29 in American Standard Age. Time is ticking and I’m not even on my way to catch the marriage train. Does this mean I’m probably going to be alone forever? Most likely not. I’ll adopt a few dogs, hang out with married couples and be the proverbial third wheel.

They always say your parents want you to have it better than them. In that case, my Mom got married when she was 25…. so I basically missed the ‘better than her’ mark and will have to settle for 25… er 27. So, what is the point of blabbering on and on and on about this thorn in my finger? I’m wondering if there is anyone out there who feels the same. Is it just me in this planet of  6,973,738,433 that wants to do a march on Washington for this cause.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you Balanced?

Balance. We all want it and strive for it but it seems to be harder to catch than common cold. As each year passes by my desire to become more balances grows ever so steadily and sadly, I find my self one step forward and two steps back. I’m not on Facebook but I am; if you know what I mean. The reason why I left Facebook about 2 years, 3 weeks and 2 days ago was because I realized that I was a private person who didn’t like people commenting on my life; so why expose it. Recently I have needed to log on to run a work page and I have to say, just looking though pages of friends from Christmas past I have come to realize people are looking in the wrong places for balance. 

 

When I’m not on Facebook I feel to relaxed and focused with my life.I know who I am, what I want to achieve and what I need to do to get there. I find that people on Facebook need to “keep up with the joneses'” They have to post pictures of fancy restaurants they eat it (which they can’t afford), vacations they take(clearly a groupon) and pictures with friends(only valid entry). The only legitimate validation for having Facebook is if you hope to chronical your life so that one day you can show your kids the kind of life you led….wait a minute, what will become of the photo albums under the coffee table?!  Facebook has become this thing that people need to validate their lives and to show other people that they pseudo live this life of glamour and extravagance when in reality they are either living off of student loans or are just making it by. 

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So where does balance come in. I think that unless you are happy with who you are, and where are you stationed yourself in life you really shouldn’t have a Facebook. There is more lying going on on Facebook than there is on Dr. Phil’s couch. Let’s be honest.

 As evolved(questionable) neanderthals we are innately competitive and Facebook tends to be a catalyst to that behavior.

 

Getting engaged used to be a private moment that could be shared with two people  in love, maybe their family. Now it has turned into you, me and my 300 friends.I guess the grounds of privacy of intimacy has drastically changed. I guess when doing so, you have lost the right to complain when people know your every move.